Tag: leadership

From Bias to Burnout: How Menopause Impacts Women’s Work Experiences

I’ve talked a lot over the years about barriers for women in the workplace such as gender bias, care, stereotypes etc. all of which can prevent women from reaching their potential. For those who do manage to overcome these barriers, the menopause can be one that finally defeats them.

In terms of the figures, recent research from CIPD demonstrates that ⅔ of women (aged 40-60 in employment) have found that menopause symptoms have had a negative impact on them at work.

A 2023 survey found that 23% of women aged 40–60 considered quitting their job due to menopause, and 14% were actively planning to leave their job.

The reduction in oestrogen levels can have a major impact on women’s lives and this process typically begins when a woman reaches late 30’s/early 40’s. From reading menopause threads on mumsnet, I have come to the inexpert opinion that if you are over 40 and have symptoms that you think are hormone related then they probably are. 

From my own experience in recent years, symptoms are wide-ranging and can be easily mistaken for other things. Itchy upper arms, for example, I  was treating as dry skin until I saw a Twitter post by Newson Health talking about this as a symptom of menopause. As soon as I started on HRT, the itching went away completely. Other typical symptoms of peri-menopause include hot flushes, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, headaches, and muscle and joint pains – and I have had the lot over the past 18 months. 

Given the level of knowledge women have about the menopause today, it is amazing that so many of us are still being fobbed off by health professionals and prevented from getting the treatment we desperately need.

Hard-working and well-meaning as they are, I’ve heard some ridiculous things from healthcare workers. For example, when I first spoke to a GP about anxiety and asked if it could be peri-menopause, I was told that it was more likely to be depression (it definitely wasn’t).

I’ve had a nurse tell me that I have unusual symptoms and that most women come in with hot flushes and night sweats (probably because it’s the only symptom that gets talked about regularly despite a wide range being recognised).

Another GP asked me if my mum had experienced early menopause so I had to educate her on the concept of peri-menopause which was not something that was widely known about in my mother’s day. I’m aware of other women who have been told they can’t have HRT because they are ‘too young’ – this is despite the fact they are struggling to cope with their symptoms.

Finally (though I could go on) I was told by a male GP that he doesn’t deal with HRT ‘because he’s a man’ (and yet women over 40 are more likely to present with symptoms of anxiety due to hormones and this was the mental health specialist). A long-standing women’s rights activist, I am beside myself to think that he considered it acceptable to say this in 2024.

Thankfully, I eventually realised my symptoms weren’t normal and went elsewhere to get help.

Clearly, I am not qualified to make medical recommendations and if you are struggling, you should do your own research and access appropriate support. However, it might be useful to know these top 3 things that have made a difference for me:

  1. Magnesium – I have been experiencing severe muscle pain for nearly a year to the extent that I have felt like I can’t go on feeling so uncomfortable in my own body. I’ve put it down to a range of things from carrying a bike to doing yoga. Eventually, I realised that everyday activities couldn’t be the cause of such severe discomfort. Desperate for a good night sleep, I was given magnesium supplements to try and have discovered this is a magic mineral! Not only did they tackle my insomnia but they also got rid of my joint pain overnight. I have to take it regularly but it works and the effect is immediate. It’s also a good excuse for a salt bath or foot soak! If you want to know more, read this article by Better You.
  2. Testosterone – whilst I knew that oestrogen reduces, I didn’t know that testosterone levels reduce in peri-menopause as well. After requesting a blood test, I was told that my results were ‘normal’. Having a look myself, it seemed to me that my levels were at the low end of normal. When I spoke to a private GP, she confirmed that all my hormone levels were low and prescribed testosterone as part of my treatment plan. After a week boosting my testosterone levels, I felt like a new woman, able to cope with all of life’s challenges. Read more about the benefits of testosterone in menopause.
  1. Menopause specialist – whilst reluctant to fork out the money to go private, I finally decided to bite the bullet and I am so glad I did. Finally, I was speaking to a GP who recognised my symptoms and could put me on a treatment plan that would make a difference. 

Getting older is a challenge for all of us but with hormonal and chemical imbalances, mid-life is especially challenging for women who can suddenly find themselves feeling anxious, confused and unsupported. 

Finally, I have been to several awareness sessions which have ensured I have a good understanding of the symptoms and was able to recognise them. If you are looking for something for your workplace, I recommend The Menopause Team who can provide a very informative and worthwhile session.

Has your life been affected by menopause symptoms? Do you have a story to share? Let us know in the comments below.

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‘Playing to win’ with Race Across the World

As fans prepare for the launch of ‘Celebrity Race Across the World’ series 2, it seems like the perfect time to consider what the show can teach us about a winning mind set.

Most people are not aware of this but Race Across the World was first broadcast in the 90’s and I was an avid viewer of this late-night TV show (as it was at the time).

Back then, teams were dropped at a random location somewhere in the world and they had to figure out where they were and race back to Trafalgar Square by whatever means possible. There were no pre-arranged job opportunities and no rest breaks in those days. Teams were given some money and they had their passports. After that, they had to get themselves back through their own resourcefulness. [view vintage edition]

There are many key moments that I still remember – a team trying to figure out where in the world they were whilst life was going on, at pace, around them; a team lost in the arctic and being helped by local people; and a team finding themselves in a sticky situation in Turkey. 

In those days, there were no well-being breaks and no crew to help them. Teams were given a crash course in filming documentary and packed off to fend for themselves. 

The show today doesn’t have the same edge but there is still a lot to learn from the contestants about nurturing a winning mindset.

Here are my key takeaways:

  1. Run your own race – the teams spend a lot of time thinking about their place in the race and where the other contestants might be. When they find themselves on the same train or bus, they run through a range of scenarios about the other team. It’s natural and probably helpful to consider what the game plan of your opponents might be but advice from top athletes would be to run your own race and focus on your own performance rather than being distracted by what others might be doing. For more inspiration on this, watch former Olympian, Sally Gunnell – Run your Own Race
  1. Think positive – in series 4, Alfie and Owen race to catch a ferry to the final checkpoint, only to find there are no boats until the next morning and another team right on their tail. With the adrenaline they spent to get there, only to be stopped in their tracks, they were naturally feeling defeated. At this point you hear Alfie say ‘we just need to keep a positive mental headspace’. The race wasn’t over and by staying positive, they were able to plan ahead and ensure they were on the first boat out the next day. For more on this read – The Power of Positivity in Leadership
  1. Keep your cool – after they crossed to the island where they would find the final checkpoint, they were given directions. Part of the instruction was to ‘head north’ which would usually have been straight forward but they had ditched their bags which meant they had no compass. They knew that they could use the sun but they were struggling to think because they were under so much pressure. Thankfully, they were able to clear their heads and take a moment to think so they could be confident in the direction they needed to take which won them first place. To find more calm, read How to Stay Calm Under Pressure

I’m unable to finish a blog about RATW without mentioning Harry Judd and his mum! If you don’t know what I’m referring to, catch up on BBC iPlayer – it’s worth it ❤

The BBC have just shared that radio personality, Scott Mills, is a star of the forthcoming series. In promoting the show, he said that it is by far the most challenging thing both physically and mentally that he has ever done so worth tuning in when the new series begins next week.

Have you ever challenged yourself? Do you have your own tips for resilience? Share them in the comments below. 

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Better every time: U6s coaching & performance

For a while I wasn’t sure if I would ever become a mum. And I really didn’t anticipate that I would become a Sunday morning football mum.

So, as I am standing outside on a crisp and sunny Sunday morning cheering on the under sixes, I am observing all the benefits of playing the sport. In particular, I am noticing how the coaches getting the most out of our young players.

It is making me think about how the focus and techniques of these coaches can apply to coaching for performance in the workplace.

Here are the top tips, I have picked up from watching a group of 5 year olds in the first proper football match:

Positivity – the first thing I noticed is, it’s all really upbeat. The tone, the body language and the spoken communication. It is all very much concentrated on engaging the players and keeping them focused.

Enthusiastic – feedback from the coach tells them how well they’re doing. Im hearing lots of ‘well done’, ‘let’s keep it going’ and ‘you are getting better and better’.

Focused – the communication is focused on what is going to happen and what the coach wants them to do. The instructions are simple and clear.

Expectations – there is clarity of expectations. Stopping when needed and making sure the children have understood what is not negotiable e.g. Shaking hands with the other team at the end of the game.

Praise and recognition – there is lots of individual and team praise. Identifying individuals and telling them when they have done well. And telling the team when they doing well as a group. Lots of ‘well played’, ‘that’s really good’, ‘great tackle’ and so on.

It is a worthwhile reminder of how to lead teams in the workplace. The coaches here are all volunteers and they are doing an amazing job of bringing together lots of lively under sixes to focus on a shared goal. The kids are learning lots of important lessons for life set as how to be resilient and support your team.

So whilst it’s an early and cold start to my Sunday, I am really enjoying the learning that I’m taking from it and thinking how I can bring more of this back to achieve even greater success within my own organisation.

Are you a school mum or dad? Do you and similar learning from your children’s sports? Tell us about it in the comments below.

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What Strictly teaches us about giving A-MA-ZING feedback (dah-ling)

As we wait in anticipation for the Strictly Come Dancing 2021 final, it is the ideal time to set out what we can learn from the judges in how they offer feedback.

Giving feedback is something that many of us dread.  Perhaps we lack confidence in our expertise or maybe we anticipate that the individual will react badly.  Whatever the reason, we often shy away from giving feedback which actually has a negative impact on performance regardless of whether the observations are good or bad.

We know feedback is important for development and for me, I certainly know I want to receive it.  Good feedback gives me an important boost that keeps me motivated and driven whilst constructive feedback helps me to be the best I can be.

It is also fair to say that when we do give feedback, it doesn’t always land well and if you want to understand more about the responses people might have and how to deal with those, I recommend the work of Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen – Thanks for the Feedback: The Art & Science of Receiving Feedback Well (Even when it’s off-base, unfair, poorly delivered and, frankly, you’re not in the mood).  This can help if you offer feedback and the individual responds badly to what you are sharing with them.

However, what we have in Strictly is a masterclass in giving feedback.  If you watch carefully, you will hear the judges generally offering praise first. They recognise what went well and what has improved before honing on the next area of improvement. Generally, they make the individual feel a-ma-zing and then they offer some specific expert advice to help them progress.

On the occasions when things didn’t go well and they are unimpressed, they generally offer their feedback with care and compassion which allows the individual to feel supported whilst hearing something uncomfortable.

What can we learn from this when giving feedback in the workplace?

  1. Be positive – help the individual to see what was good and offer the feedback on what needs to be improved. Positive psychology says you need a balance of at least 3 positives to every negative so remember to share what’s going well before giving advice on improvement.

  2. Be specific – general statements don’t help the individual to understand and improve. E.g. ‘you didn’t get the role because you weren’t strategic enough’ – that is feedback that isn’t feedback. For this to be worthwhile, there needs to be detail that demonstrates what could have been different. To be effective, the sentence above needs to go on to give examples of what would have been better. Otherwise, the candidate is still in the dark and is likely to make the same mistakes next time.

  3. Be genuine – feedback is for the good of the individual so keep that in mind in the discussion. If you keep the individual at the heart and offer your feedback with sensitivity, compassion and with their best interests at heart, they should be able to open themselves up to whatever you have to say and feel glad that you are taking the care to offer it for them.

Do you have examples to share of good or bad feedback? What did you learn from this? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Passion and purpose – what Tom Brady’s record-breaking career tells us about motivation

According to the talent scouts, Tom Brady was far from spectacular.  He didn’t have any of the things that marked him out as in an up and coming sports star which meant he was overlooked when it came to selection time. 

And yet, on Sunday, Brady won his 7th Superbowl at the age of 43 with a team that was bottom of the league last season.  To date, he has started a record 10 superbowls in his 18 year career.  With an average career of 3 years in the sport, Brady defies the odds and shows no signs of retiring just yet. 

One of the key themes throughout his career has been the lack of recognition for his talent.  Before he began his time with the New England Patriots, he played for Michigan college team.  In his sophomore year, a new quarterback joined the team and the coach was unsure which of them to play.  He kept switching them to keep them both in the game.  Many times, the coach had to bring on Brady to save the game and he did it. He came on to the field and brought them back from the brink for a win. This happened so many times, they called him ‘the comeback kid’.

Despite this, when it came to the draft, he wasn’t selected until the 6th round. Number 199 out of just over 200 places, making him the 7th quarterback taken. His nerves were on edge as his time was running out but he was finally signed and so began his professional career in American football.  Brady is now considered best NFL draft pick of all time.

The report on him ahead of the 2000 draft was unimpressive. It included:

  • Poor build
  • Skinny
  • Lacks great physical stature and strength
  • Lacks mobility and ability to avoid the rush
  • Does not roll a really tight spiral
  • System type player who can get exposed if forced to ad-lib
  • Gets knocked down easily

Brady was hugely under-estimated and struggled to gain recognition but he never lost his self-belief.

Throughout his time with the Patriots, he demonstrated the talent and skill which has made him the sport star he is today. Still, his talent was played down and often attributed to the coach. In his latest Superbowl achievement, he has finally proven that he is the magic ingredient and getting the credit he deserves.

According to his Dad, when they carried out that assessment: “they missed the most important thing: heart.  They didn’t understand what drives somebody.” It isn’t something that can be measured. And it cannot be defeated either.

Others have commented on his backbone and resilience: “All the intangibles that a quarterback is supposed to have? They were overlooked. Because with him, it was burning on the inside”.

What can we learn about leadership from the greatest quarterback of all time?

  1. Never let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do – it isn’t for someone else to decide what you are capable of, it is up to you.  If you are willing to work hard, take on board the feedback and improve, you can achieve your goals.

  2. Resilience is about understanding your values and purpose and staying true to them – it doesn’t matter what people say or think. To succeed, you need to keep your goal close to your heart and keep going.

  3. Follow your passion – if do something you love, you will bring maximum energy which will drive you to work hard, master your discipline and achieve success.

Have you been inspired by Tom Brady’s success? What is it about him that stands out to you? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Image by Alexandr Nebesyuk from Pixabay 

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Exploring the central principles of resilience through the portrayal of PoW Louis Zamperini in ‘Unbroken’

Resilience is a theme we have probably all been thinking about over the last year as we have been delivering in extreme circumstances with the additional pressures of home schooling and without the relief of being able to see family and friends.

I’ve been thinking about writing a piece on resilience since Covid hit and whilst I have given it a lot of thought, the inspiration to write would not come to me.  Until last night. 

If you follow my blog, you will know that inspiration for my musings often comes from film or television and the source of my motivation today is a result of the film ‘unbroken’. This true story of World War II veteran, Louis Zamperini, provided a raw demonstration of resilience which has moved me to write this piece.

The film shared the true story of a young airman who survived 47 days in the ocean after the bomber he was flying, crash landed and left him and two others stranded at sea. Only two of them survived the ordeal when they were captured by the crew of a Japanese war ship and taken to a prisoner of war camp.

Zamperini had been an Olympic athlete and, having not read the reviews, I had been expecting an uplifting film, focused on his triumphs and achievements.  Instead, this was a film about one man’s courage and his fight to survive through the darkest of days.

This extreme example has enabled me to sum up the central principles of resilience which I have observed in others and have been crystalised for me through the telling of this story. We are lucky that many of us will never have to face such an extreme test but many have over the history of time and here are some fundamental principles that can help us to get through challenging times.

  1. If you can take it, you can make it – Louis had a mantra that was instilled in him by his brother.  This mantra gave him focus and strength to endure through the most difficult of circumstances.  We know that negative self-talk is defeating so at all times, especially those which we find most testing, we need to repeat a positive mantra in order to overcome and keep going.
  2. One day at a time – when you are faced with a major challenge and no end in sight, you need to hunker down and face one day at a time. Louis was in the very worst of conditions, where thinking about how long he might be trapped in those conditions would only make the ordeal impossible to face. Instead, he concentrated on what was immediately in front of him and lived in that exact moment with the central belief that ‘this too will pass’.
  3. Values & purpose – being true to his values and purpose in life, gave Louis strength to face his tormentors.  There was a point where he was offered the chance to escape the horrors of the prison camp but what they were asking him to do went against his values and so he refused.  His character shone through, and whilst it angered the prison commander, it made him truly ‘unbreakable’.  As long as you know what you stand for and keep the reason for your being at the centre of your work, you will have a driving force that keep you going, no matter how difficult you find it sometimes.

Does this article resonate with you? Do you have a story to share about resilience? Let us know in the comments below.

3minuteleadership.org

Image by Pavlofox from Pixabay

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Humanity, courage and integrity: how Winters inspires values-based leadership in HBO’s Band of Brothers

From the very first episode of Band of Brothers, I have wanted to write about the leadership theme within the series and this need has grown ever stronger as the series has progressed.

In Episode 1, ‘Curahee’, we meet Captain Sobel, Commander of Easy Company whose drive for excellence makes the group of paratroopers stand out from the crowd.  The way Sobel achieves this though is through misuse of power rather than respect.  The soldiers of Easy Company think he hates them because of the way he pushes and tests them to do better all the time.

It’s also clear that the Captain is useless in the field, putting the lives of the men at risk and trying to cover up for that by exerting his authority.

An early scene shows Winters’ values, courage and integrity as he is unfairly disciplined by Sobel and rather than accept a punishment when he has done nothing wrong, he requests trial by court martial which leads to the platoon demonstrating strong support for him and really is Sobel’s downfall.

As the series progresses, we see a contrasting leadership style in Winters who starts the series as platoon leader and finishes as a Major which is demonstration of his skills.  It is the values of Winters and how they inform his actions that have inspired me to write this post. 

What you can see in Winters is that he cares about the men he is responsible for, so much that he is willing to put his own life on the line.  From the beginning, he demonstrates great courage and as a result, they trust and follow him.

In Episode 2, ‘Day of Days’, Winters charges ahead and tells them to only follow on his command.  In Episode 7, ‘The Breaking Point’, he can see that the Officer in charge – Officer Dyke – is being completely ineffective and putting lives at risk so he starts to run towards them to take over only to be reminded of his post at which point he promptly orders someone else to go and takeover.

The ultimate example for me was in Episode 8, ‘The Last Patrol’, one of the later episodes when he effectively disobeys orders to prevent needless deaths.  At this point in the series, they are extremely close to defeating the Germans and ending the war.  The night before, they had been asked to send a patrol to capture German soldiers that they know have based themselves in a building the other side of a river in the French town of Hagenau. 

A patrol is chosen and they complete the mission with just one life lost.  Because they achieved a good outcome, Lieutenant Colonel Sink commands that another patrol be scheduled for a second night.  All are dismayed and Winters cannot see anything further to be gained from sending a patrol for a second night.  They have taken prisoners from the first mission and capturing more would not give them any additional intelligence.  When Winters brings the men together, he gives instruction of the mission in line with his orders. He then goes on to tell them to get a full night’s sleep and report to him in the morning that they went on patrol but were unable to take any prisoners.  This to me is evidence that he cares about the men and values their lives.  So much that he is willing to risk his own career by disobeying what they all thought were unnecessary orders. 

Many of the men at Hagenau had been on the frontline, in battle, many times and Winters believed it was a high price for them to lose their lives so close to the end of the war when there was nothing to be gained from the mission.  To me, this act showed courage and integrity, saving the lives of his men.

Whilst I’m sure there may have been some artistic license used in making this series, the characters portrayed are from true life and provide narrative around the drama.  Richard ‘Dick’ Winters was recognised many times through awards for his contribution.  Despite this, Winters remained humble about his military service.  At the end of the series, Winters quotes a passage from Sergeant Myron “Mike” Ranney: “I cherish the memories of a question my grandson asked me the other day when he said, ‘Grandpa, were you a hero in the war?’ Grandpa said ‘No…but I served in a company of heroes’.”

Whilst I read extensively about human rights and the effects of war, I was unsure about whether this series would be for me.  What I discovered was an inspirational story of humanity, courage and leadership which I felt compelled to share with others.

END NOTE: This blog post marks Remembrance Day 2020 and is published in memory of all those who gave their lives so that we can be free.

This year, as a result of the COVID-19 crisis, the Royal British Legion is relying on digital donations to support their annual Poppy Appeal which supports members of the armed forces and their families. If you have something to spare, please donate here.

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How to avoid ‘car crash’ conversations and make sure your feedback lands well every time

Have you ever received feedback that you reacted badly to?  Or tried to give someone else feedback and found they have flown off the handle? 

Feedback can be something people avoid because it can go in lots of different directions with so many of them not the route you wanted to take!

And yet, timely, constructive feedback is essential for the successful management of teams. It is also be critical for professional development so it is important that we create an environment where we can have open and honest feedback conversations which lead to better performance and development.

After a few car crash feedback discussions, I decided to find out more about the theory of good feedback and how to make sure I can deliver this effectively each time for the benefit of those in my team.


Types of feedback

The first thing to notice is that there are 3 different types of feedback.  All are important and you need to know the appropriate type to use in different situations and ensure that in your leadership practice, you are employing a balance of all types on a regular basis.

  1. Coaching – this type of feedback aims to help the receiver ‘expand knowledge, sharpen skill, improve capability’.  If you want to have a conversation about how an individual can improve, then coaching is a good way to go.  Beware though, a coaching approach is about asking questions (and the right kind of questions) to support the individual to explore the issue for themselves and come up with their own solution.  You can guide, you can support but you cannot ‘tell’ in a truly effective coaching conversation.
  2. Evaluation – this is to ‘rank against a set of standards’.  An example might be the classic performance review conversation where you are discussing how the individual has delivered against what was agreed.  It requires someone to rate an individual so for this to be effective, there needs to be agreement at the beginning about the measures they will be assessed against and support to help the individual meet expectations.  If you don’t provide this clarity and the individual scores badly, they will feel angry and frustrated which will lead to a difficult conversation and probably more to follow.
  3. Appreciation – this is feedback where effort, commitment and achievement is recognised.   You might also call this type of feedback ‘praise’ or ‘gratitude’.  Some leaders find this uncomfortable but it should be used often to motivate.  Appreciation encourages the   
    release of oxytocin which is important for connection and vital for building relationships and strong teams.

When feedback goes wrong…

We have to give feedback at times and even in the very best relationship, it can sometimes go wrong.  If you find that the receiver reacts emotionally, you can be sure that one of these triggers has been activated:

Truth trigger – it may be that the feedback appears untrue to the person on the receiving end. Maybe they think you don’t know what you are talking about and if this is the case, you could perhaps consider whether they are right and what you could do to build your own knowledge (being honest about your own weaknesses can also improve the conversation). 

The other possibility is that you have hit on a ‘blind spot’ which means they genuinely don’t see that the issue you raise is true of them.  It is not in line with their perception of reality and in this instance, a coaching approach could be beneficial to support them to explore the issue for themselves and allow yourself to understand it from their perspective.  If you are the receiver, you could test the feedback on people you trust which may help you to understand your blind spots in a safe space.

Relationship trigger – have you ever been in a relationship that has turned bad and everything you or they say leads to a negative response?  This can happen in work too. Having a good relationship is critical for successful feedback conversations.  If there is an issue with the relationship such as a lack of trust and respect, it is likely that the feedback will not land well.  Relationship triggers can create ‘switchtrack’ conversations where the receiver will retaliate by raising another issue they feel is related.  In this instance, it is important to recognise all issues and discuss them separately.  This will ensure both parties feel heard and respected.  If you notice this trigger, it might be worthwhile taking a step back, acknowledging the problem and taking steps to address the relationship issue.

Identity trigger – in this instance, the feedback is not in line with the individual’s perception of ‘self’ and challenges how they are wired.  For example, the receiver may be told that their actions were unfair when they believe that fairness is their core value.  An identity trigger can cause real distress so needs to be talked about openly to find out all points of view and help the individual understand how their actions have been perceived and if there is anything they could do differently in the future.   


How can you ensure feedback lands well every time?

Firstly, for feedback to land well every time, you need to have a good relationship where both parties feel comfortable to talk openly about their thoughts and feelings.  It is important to create a safe space for discussion where there is no judgement, only acceptance and constructive intent. 

Few people want to create conflict but sometimes the thought of giving feedback can lead to a situation where those involved enter the discussion already on the defensive.  The best attitude for a difficult conversation is a positive and constructive one which allows the problem to be discussed, addressed and resolved in partnership.

Whist a good relationship is important for feedback, so is feedback important for good relationships and strong teams so should be something we engage in at all levels on a regular basis.  If you create an environment where this can be shared constructively at all levels, you should have a space where everyone can thrive.

Do you have examples of good or bad feedback?  How have you ensured an environment where constructive discussions can take place?  Share your experiences in the comments below.


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Photo credit: Gary Scott from Pixabay

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How praise and positivity can make your organisation fearless

When I was growing up, I remember my mum having difficulties with the head teacher in the school where she worked.  He was mean and enjoyed making people feel intimidated which stifled creativity and made everyone miserable.  My mother would come home stressed, depressed and wondering how she could go back to work the next day. 

Sadly, there are many bosses like this in the workplace and far too many employees who are unable to reach their potential because they are held back.  This means that organisations are limiting their own capacity.  To survive and thrive, especially in the current climate, employees need to be given space to deliver to the best of their ability.  They need to be encouraged and supported to make a full contribution and grow from their experiences.  If we can achieve this, organisations will truly know success.

If I asked you what makes a good boss, you certainly wouldn’t respond with the qualities displayed by the head teacher in my story.  More likely, you would say a good boss is someone who is trusting, supportive, listens to your views, believes in you, shows appreciation and so on.  Which boss are you likely to go out of your way for?  And therefore, which would you say is able to get the best out of people?

In his work on ‘fearless leadership’, Richard Varey explores the importance of kindness in leadership.  It isn’t about the leader being brave which is what I thought at first, but about creating an environment where people feel safe.  The foundation of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is security. Individuals will not reach the lofty heights of self-actualisation if the organisation’s culture is based on blame and fear.

Varey says ‘if you are kind, people feel safe; if they feel safe, they can grow’.  And actually, it’s better for everyone because kindness increases the levels of oxytocin for all involved which increases optimism and makes everyone feel physically better.

Compare this with an environment where people are scared to do anything wrong.  In a culture of fear, people shut down because the stress response is triggered when they sense danger.  When this happens, cortisol floods the system which creates a fight, flight or freeze response.  This literally shuts down the rational mind and short term memory.  In a culture of kindness, no conversation is off-limits because people feel secure and are more open to discussing whatever you need to address.

In this work, I really like the idea of ‘emotional collateral’ and it reminds me of something else I read in relation to ‘difficult conversations’.  It’s basically about the emotional bank account.  This needs to have enough in it for some to be taken out of the account.  If an individual’s emotional bank account is depleted, they are unlikely to receive any ‘constructive’ feedback positively.  It’s a bit like getting your bank statement and seeing it in the red… especially if you have just been paid!! You feel panicked immediately and that is not a good place from which to deal with the problem.

So what do you need to do as a fearless leader?

  1. Offer praise – if you want to inspire people, you need to tell them they are good. In a study of praise and effectiveness, the most improvement was achieved through praise (71%) compared with criticism (19%) or being ignored (5%).
  2. Focus on the positive – make sure you get the ‘balance’ right with at least 3 positives for every negative. Basically, every time something good happens, say so.  That should give enough credits for when you have to talk to them about improvement.
  3. Praise for effort rather than ability – telling someone they are good at something is not effective. The trick is to praise for effort rather than ability so notice when individuals try hard and tell them they did well.

 

Praise builds people up and makes them resilient.  Resilient people lead to resilient organisations and we have never needed that more than now so go ahead and tell everyone you work with that you see them and they are amazing.

Have you created a culture of kindness? Have you experienced the limitations of fear?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

3minuteleadership.org 

 

Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay

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